I cried a tear for you today

So it is almost July already, and this year has been moving forward at light speed, and I find myself not taking the time to reflect on the comings and goings going on in my world.

For example, my uncle died. I wasn't particularly close to him, although my aunt who divorced him years ago for doing bad things I love dearly, but do not take the time to tell her. I felt sad when he died. I didn't cry. I felt sad because he was a father, a brother, an uncle and grandfather. He had good in him. I saw it from time to time, he lived the last years of his life really all alone because of choices he made. I cried a tear for you today uncle.

My mom and dad came and spent some time with my kids while I enjoyed a very nice vacation. I return on Mothers day. There is all kinds of craziness going on, but I am glad to be home. I am glad to have my parents here. I don't understand my mom. She adopted me, she raised me, she loved me. I love her. She is the epitome of martyrdom, but I try to overlook that. She gave me a mother's day card. Within the card she references MY expectation that she cannot be what my birth mother. What she doesn't get is that there is enough room in my heart for them both. I love them both, in different ways, they both made sacrifices for me, loved me and did the best they could by me. I never expected one to take the others place. It is all a matter of perception I suppose. I was angry about the card, I was hurt. I want to feel that connection with my mom like I did when I was growing up. We did things together,we laughed, cried, cooked, shared things about ourselves, I miss that. She doesn't get it. I cried a tear for you today mom. I also cried a tear for my other mom today. I love you both, and I don't have either one of you in my life in a meaningful way anymore. One by her choice, the other by death. I cried a tear today.

I have a son who is 26. He is a man. He makes his choices and is finding his way in the world. He lives 12 hours away and we only see each other twice a year now. I miss him everyday. I cried a tear for you today my sweet boy.

My other two little people are the light of my life. They challenge me daily, but they bring me so much joy that they do not even know. I feel like sometimes I am not doing right by them. I cried a tear for you today my little loves.

My friends. Throughout my life I have been so blessed to have wonderful friends in my life. As life moves forward so do these relationships, taking on different forms. Some are close by, others are spread near and far, but always you are in my heart. I think of laughter and tears that have been shared over the years. Joys and pain. I miss you. Today I cried a tear for you.

Christmas Cactus~ A story about Love

This will be the 6th Christmas without my mom. She always made Christmas a BIG deal. She was always so creative and thoughtful and concise with her intent of gift giving. She was never a rich woman, but always rich with love and tenderness. We baked, planned the meal, and she would always spend Christmas Eve night at our house.

The Christmas before she died, (she died on her birthday January 7th the following year) I had purchased two Christmas cactus's. One for her, and one for me. They were pathetic 4" pots of neglected plants that had been picked through at Lowes, but I thought "Oh I bet that mom can at least keep hers alive, and at that time I was a plant killer and figured I would give it a shot too)

Anyway, when going through her things and getting her house in order I gave my brother and his wife all of her plants except her pathetic Christmas Cactus.

I planted our two cactus in the same pot, and low and behold the following Christmas it bloomed. It has bloomed every Christmas sense, and I have always just thought it was my moms way of coming to hug me at Christmas time and to let me know that she will always be with me in memories and spirit.

Well, since changing jobs this year I brought the cactus home and have seriously neglected it. A couple of weeks ago I saw it and seriously had a breakdown because I was sure it was not going to bloom this year. I felt overwhelmingly sad, and angry that I was so selfish as to not even take care of stupid plant.

Well last night, I noticed that there are three perfect buds coming on and it will be blooming by Christmas! I think this is the Christmas spirit I have been wishing for! Thank you mom!